Ok time to stop beating around the bush and just come out and say what I actually mean here.
Ok maybe not thousands of men...but you get the idea. I did, I slept around in my younger days. And do you know what?!?! I loved it!
I'm not ashamed of who I was when I was growing up!
I will not allow people to make me feel shameful for my past!
What do you want me to say? That I hated having sex? That I wish I would have saved myself for marriage? Do you want me to feel ashamed for what I did?
Well I don't...now.
Sure I felt bad occasionally back then. I mean I was told that having sex outside of marriage was one of the worst sins there was.
I also didn't like when I felt used, or when I felt like I was just their booty call, but that was only because I wanted more of a relationship with that person(s).
But guess what? I used them too! There were plenty of times I just wanted my booty call and they wanted more of a relationship.
Hell there were plenty of times I slept with someone just because I was bored and they were there.
I don't feel ashamed though because of everything I learned from it all:
I learned how to have safe(er) sex.
After a pregnancy scare you better believe I brushed up my act and was 1000% better about having and practicing safe sex!
I learned what feels good and what doesn't feel good.
I was able to get to know MY body and what it liked and what made me feel all tingly. I got to know what made me go "ummmm hell no!" and "ow ow ow". These things are important to know people!
I learned that I was more then just a piece of meat.
There were plenty of times that I just let the guy walk all over me and I was just his doormat and because of that I was able to know that I NEVER wanted to feel like that again!
I learned that sex can lead to some great emotional connections.
I learned that you can have some great sex without having an emotional connection.
Sometimes sex is just sex and that's fine - even in a loving committed relationship
I learned that even though I was a little chubby, I could still get some.
I learned to love my body.
...ok never mind still working on this one...
I learned what mental abuse was and that I would never let it happen again.
I learned what love was and what love wasn't.
I learned that sex doesn't have to be serious.
I learned to take control and to give control.
I learned what consent really was.
...and probably a thousand more things that I've learned.
And after all that I learned that sex is FUCKING awesome!!!
When I finally settled down, I was able to be a better support for my husband, who was a virgin when we got hitched. (sorry babe I'm outing you here)
My husband isn't mad that I slept around before we got married and in fact he actually thanks me for getting to know myself so early on so that we could jump right into exploring and getting into all that good and mostly kinky stuff right from the start!
(Oh Lord could you imagine if we were both virgins dear?!?!)
Seriously though I liked it! And I am done having people tell me that I should be ashamed of my past and should be ashamed that I have had sex with so many people. Without my past I can honestly say I don't think I would have learned half of the things about myself. And I believe that I would probably view sex in general as a shameful thing.
I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad for learning who I was when I was younger and who I am now!
No comments:
Post a Comment